Snarky...snarky..blah.blah.blah.Content.
Current mood: 
determined
Category: Content...duh, see the blog Blogging
I wish I would have written this blog last saturday.
Yes my friends, had I sat down to write this post last saturday, surely, I would have titled it something snarky with the word "content" in it. A word which I had not said, a feeling which I had not felt and a concept I really knew nothing about, untill I walked off the stage and into the welcoming arms of my whiskey-diet, on opening night of my first one-man show.
Last saturday, I was performing a piece that I wrote, I had a man that I really kinda liked and for some unknown reason like me. (5 dates in a row with humping only once!! a record for me..if that ain't love...i don't know what is. I don't know what love is.) and I was the lead in a huge show that was going to tour, give my equity card and ultimatly reason for living in Minneapolis.
But in the imortal words of...well..everybody-but in this case I'm thinking Sarah V...
"What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours..." or in the words of Colum Morgan..."Two tears in a bucket. Motherfuck it."
From that point on, i have been fired, took a minor sabactal to Kansas, had friends from 3 cities come into visit me, lost track of my man, drank enough whiskey to kill a small blue whale, started working on another show, realized how rediclous it is to put that much weight and faith in anything as tangible/untangible as a show and found my way, quite quickly, back to "content".
Some highlights of the show. There are none. I can't think of any moment that I really loved or hated. Dentist Daddy and a man who I believe was his new boyfriend showed up the second night of the show. Sat front row and refused to laugh. They did the Minnesota grin which means "oh gawd, I can't laugh out loud...people will see me." it means that or "this blows." I sang my billie holiday bitter bitch numbers right into his eyes.
We almost sold out the last two nights!!! Which was amazing, I had audience members who didn't know a thing about me but came cause it sounded neat and they enjoyed themselves.
I learned that
a) it wasn't that hard to do. Don't get me wrong, the project has a LONG way to go and needs a ton of work, but it runs, runs well, gets its points across and all I had to do was get up and do it.
b) No one-man show is a one-man show. If it wern't for the calming pressence of Penny, the assistance and support of Grandma, the fierce and sadly under paied pianist and bass player (Darren/Alissa) and the total fire burning under my ass advice of Mo-isha. It would have never happend.
c) I love it. This is a new thing for me.
so as for the June Lune.
what can i say, they let a hoe-go. I learned alot, it was a good lesson.
On tuesday, after I opened the show, on tuesday-the first day of offical rehersal, (some of us went in a week early for a workshop thing) on tuesday we had a sits-probst..aka...a full sing through of the show. And it took me completly and utterly by surprise. My nerves where shot, I was using a score I hadn't been praciticing with, the cast was overwhelmingly more experienced than I when it came to opera and the most important issue. I was tragicly under rehearsed.
I won't bore you with the details of the proceeding intervention, its was extreemly professional and honest on both sides. At that moment they asked if I could handle this because obivously from that point on I had a lot of work to do.
I had thought about saying..."no, let me go. It's to much for me." but I didn't. I said and did what I always do. "I don't know what to tell you. I'll work very hard."
I worked hard but ultimatly it comes down to me, playing the lead against three people who a) have a vast amount of experince when it comes to opera. b) have done the show before.
On thursday, there was reh, a meeting, and then I was let go, very kindly, with great regret on both sides, it wasn't a "get the fuck out we hate you, get your shit, your fired at all" it was the "we love you, we think your great, oops on both our parts, maybe next time, get your shit ,your fired" fired. and all before lunch, which I really appricated cause lord KNOWS i was needin a drink.
I can't do the part where Xavier walks in on the ENTIRE building talking about him in the reh. room...it's not funny with out props...but if you find me in the street ask for the story, or heck...maybe I'll put it in a show. But I can say this...as I sat in the green room waiting to get the boot. I wrote this on the back of a piece of paper I was using to translate my italian on..
When they fire a bitch:
1) I will take 2 weeks and only 2 weeks to see family, lick wounds and figure shit out.
2) I will find new work both artisticly and finacially.
3) I will learn from this grow from this and not let this experience name me.
3) I will rise from this like a phoneix.
Now, to say, I'm not disappointed would be to lie. I'm totally, totally disappointed, the show is going to, most likely, be great. I would have been really great in it, and I don't say that bitchy or blithly, the director and i had some great chemestry developing and the reason they asked me to do it in the first place, despite my lack of experience, was because of what I would have brought to the table.
It's disappointing that things went the way they did and there are errors on both sides.
To say, I'm not embarrased would be a total lie. I've work very, very, very, almost to hard, to keep a good reputation in this city. I live by the belief that I may not and most likely am not better than you...but i'll out work ya. So to have my phone ring off the hook almost IMEDATLY after been terminated..was quite a shock. In fact, I'm rather impressed as to how fast the word had traveld. I had only told 2 people that I got the boot on thursday-and by 4pm it seemed the whole world knew.
But, as things go, what's done and done, and I'm okay with it. Many lessons in the realm of theatre learned.
1) Always ask questions. I was afraid to ask the right questions as to the dynamics of this piece, because I was afriad they would see my strings, note my lack of experience--and terminate me. Had I known what they dynamics of the music was going to be (for example, had the MN Opera cast me a Don G...they wouldn't but what if...I would have requested THEY put me in training from day one. Not rely on my own resources.) Had I known the dynamics from day one...things would have gone down differently, I still may not have been in the show, but things would have been different.
So as to what mamma rice is doing now...
I'm licking what minor wounds I have, via porn, booze, soul food and family and then I'm making a new plan and getting on with the game.
So....one saturday ago, had a man, wrote a great show, was in a great show and was feeling content.
This saturday, have a man (he's hidin...but I'll get em') wrote a great show, was in a great show and, hey. I'm feelin content.
See you soon-XXX
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